At Any Cost...

So, MSD has finally called it quits as far as the longer version of cricket is concerned. As has happened countless times in the past, as soon as the team starts doing badly, people start discovering villains. And more often than not, it is the captain who is given all the blame.

Actually, the crux of the problem it seems is that people cannot accept a loss even if it occurs in a sport. If it wasn’t about winning some AND losing some, sport wouldn’t have been sport in the first place.

For a lot many years, it was taken for granted that if the Zimbabwe team was playing a cricket match, it was certain to lose it. Not that the Zimbabwe players didn’t give their best. It was just that the other teams were better than them. But still they kept on trying until they started winning and people started taking them seriously. The opposite was taken for granted for the once indomitable West Indies team.

In sport, people and teams face defeats. But more than the result, it is the game itself that provides all the joy and entertainment. Supremely talented sportspersons lose, but they still provide moments of bliss to those who watch them play. The final result of a game just adds to the excitement and just adds up in the record books.

But we, the people of today are obsessed with the result. And that too a positive one. People are happy as long as the team wins. Even if it wins on the basis of a stupid rule after the game being interrupted by rain.

So it’s no wonder that people want a person who provides them with wins. At any cost. And this goes not just for sport but even about political leaders of the country.

Another thing which is baffling is how we spontaneously equate talent with leadership. We take it for granted that a player who is more talented in playing skills than others will automatically be a better leader. We did this with Sachin Tendulkar. But he was intelligent and insightful enough to understand the difference between talent and leadership.

A leader in sport is not always the best player of the team. He is someone who can bind the players as a team and is able to extract the maximum out of them in terms of performance. He is one who inspires the team in times of low confidence. And above all, he should be someone who conducts himself as an ambassador of his team and country in a respectful way.

MSD was is the example of a leader in the true sense. Not losing his cool and maintaining a level head even in tough situations were the qualities exemplified by him.

But I would personally never like to have the leader of a group of players who represent my country as a person who doesn’t even know the basic levels of decency while on the playing field. Ricky Ponting was a very talented cricketer. And a highly successful captain too. But was he a good ambassador for cricket or his country ? NO !

It is extremely sad to see how people prefer a misbehaving (though highly talented) captain to lead and represent the country. Maybe because they expect him to produce victories for the team which eventually add up in the record books. For people today, a victorious result brings a strange sense of satisfaction irrespective of how the game was played. After all, people are obsessed with victories. At any cost.

 

(Image Courtesy : Google Images)

The Game of Hierarchy...

Under the influence of my very old habit of keenly observing the people around me, I have often wondered… do people submit to oppression easily ? The immediate response to this question comes as an obvious ‘NO’. No they don’t.

Unless there is this issue of hierarchy involved.

Hierarchies… we are simply surrounded by the concept in our daily lives. Be it the workplace or relationships, it is rare for a person to escape the effects of hierarchy. Effects which are mostly (if not always) negative. Negative though, for the one who is placed at a lower level in the ladder of hierarchy. Whereas, the so called superior enjoys the benefits of this very ladder of hierarchy.

A daughter-in-law quietly tolerates the whims of her mother-in-law. An assistant lives by the commands of the boss at work. A ‘junior’ college student is ruled by the ‘seniors’. Hierarchy works almost everywhere.

But what is it that drives those placed low in the hierarchy submit so meekly to those placed higher up ? From the looks of it, the very obvious answer would be the need for survival. To maintain a peaceful relationship with the in-laws. Or the necessity to keep holding on to the job. Or the so called benefits to be had from the ‘experienced’ seniors.

All the above reasons seem very logical. But beneath this practice of observing the protocols of hierarchy, there exists a sense of anticipation. The anticipation to grab the powerful position one day and exercise it over one’s future subordinates.

Very recently, I was witness to a cultural program at a government medical college. The highlight of the show was a small skit by the first year students who portrayed the life of a ‘fresher’ which also included the menace of ragging by the seniors. And as the students acting as seniors abused and threatened the ones acting as the ‘freshers’, it extracted a big applause from the entire audience including many professors watching the show who seemed to enjoy it very much.

Maybe they remembered their own days of harassment at the hands of their ‘superiors’ which eventually made way for the happy days when they were able to harass their own subordinates. It appeared to be a sweet recall of the pain and then the pleasure. And the bliss of revenge.

I have always found it strange how someone can cozy up to the very person who abused them physically, mentally or verbally. How people are able to befriend and ‘respect’ those who harassed them just a few days back ? It never did sum up as per my thinking abilities.

   

But now, it is a lot clearer to me after understanding the ways of hierarchy and the sadistic pleasure it brings once a person has been able to tide over the rough and tough days of being a subordinate. The pleasure of tormenting a subordinate is way too grand for anyone to remember the abuse their abusers meted out to them.

The delusional sense of superiority is good enough to forget the real pain and hurt of inferiority. The cycle continues from being real to being delusional. But as long as it ends on a happy note, people just don’t care.

After all, ‘kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi’ !

(Image Courtesy : Google Images)

Respect...

Of late, I have been wondering about what is it that makes a person respect another person. By this I don’t mean the respect every human should have towards every living being (or maybe even non-living objects). That is a type of a passive respect that is expected from every human.

My question about respect is directed towards the active variety where a person respects another person for some reason which is more than just for being alive.

We respect certain people for certain reasons. And mostly, we don’t even realize whether or not we are offering our respect to the person who actually deserves it. The following are some of the reasons for which we tend to respect (or at least pretend to respect) certain people.

1. Age
2. Experience
3. Knowledge
4. Wisdom
5. Position
6. Fear

Age – This is one of the most common reasons for someone to show respect to another person. It is almost taken for granted that someone who has seen more years in life automatically deserves to be respected. But at times, even older people have certain flaws which make them undeserving to receive respect. Can a person who mistreats his or her children or other younger family members be deserving respect ? So, age cannot be the single criterion for respect.

Experience – This factor, though somewhat related to age, is another reason why people are respected. People tend to learn from more experienced persons, and hence, respect those who are more experienced. But can mere experience make a person deserving enough to get respect ? Can a highly experienced policeman who accepts bribes and drinks while on duty be respected by a newly recruited policeman ?

Knowledge – Another factor which determines whether or not a person gets respect from others. A person may be highly qualified and educated but may still not be deserving enough to receive respect. An abusive teacher or a selfish scientist may both be highly educated, but they cannot be respected only because of their academic achievements.

Wisdom – This is one factor that is closest to being the best reason for any person to be respected. It actually shows a person’s ability to put both experience and knowledge to the best of use. But can a person be respected who instead of using his wisdom for constructive activities uses it for destructive purposes ? Some of our politicians are the best examples.

Position – Or hierarchy is another common reason why some people respect others superior to them. It is mostly, if not always, the norm to respect the boss or senior even if he or she is the most abusive person around. Even gross incapabilities of being a civilized human being are overlooked while giving (or pretending to give) respect to a superior. But is such a respect really deserved ?

Fear – Finally, people tend to respect others out of fear. It is usually money-power or muscle-power which scares people into respecting those who possess it. It is very common to find students respecting their seniors (who ragged them) out of fear. And don’t we see wealthy people being given special respect in various situations ? Such type of respect is probably the worst amongst the reasons for respecting someone.

But what people often forget is that it is the character of an individual that enables him or her to command respect from others. A person may not be wealthy, or highly educated, or elderly by age, or strong physically. But it is his or her behavior with others and the power of his or her character that truly makes a person really deserving of receiving respect from others. A person with impeccable character and good behavior towards others will always command respect irrespective of any other reason.

If only everyone could concentrate on these aspects before respecting or pretending to respect others…

(Image Courtesy : Google Images)

Wait Till SHE Comes...

“I’m not eating this…” I exclaimed to Mom while pointing to the serving of a particular vegetable on my dinner plate with the spoon.

In fact, my demeanor wouldn’t have been much different had I been turning away a half decomposed dead lizard with a stick.

With all due respects to all the vegetarians out there, but there are more fingers in my right hand than the number of vegetables I find palatable. And the present scenario was no exception.

I had barely made my point regarding my dislike towards the sample of food when Mom declared – “Just wait till she comes…”.

Hearing that sentence has always made me wince. And it made me wince again. For those of my new readers who still haven’t understood what that sentence means, well, it is actually a warning used on me with reference to my better half who is still missing from the scheme of things in my life.

Now, there are a lot of things that people dislike. Each one of us has a lot of personal preferences regarding small things of everyday life. And sometimes people expect us to change our habits or preferences according to their liking.

But coming to the logic (or the lack of it) in the ‘threat’ that I’m often subjected to, why in the world would I want to marry someone whose sole purpose in life seems to be to make me do all the things I dislike.

Be it my finicky food habits, my preferences in clothes, my love for sleep, the (dis)arrangement of stuff in my room, my dislike towards shopping or even my resentment towards tea, I’m repeatedly warned to mend my ways before ‘she’ arrives.

In other words I’m always in the process of being groomed to make me suitable enough for marriage.

And then they expect me to show some interest in getting married ! Really…

I mean you can’t just scare a kid by telling him ghost-stories about a dark room and then push him to go and sleep in that very room. Doesn’t work.

What I really don’t get is that why would anyone want to be with someone for life who wants to change their likes and dislikes to their own liking. The other day I was reading Red Handed’s post on how girls in India are continuously under a grooming process for their life in the husband’s home after marriage. As if a girl should have no personal identity of her own and shouldn’t have any personal preferences in how she wants to lead her life.

But it is not too different for unmarried males as well who are under the continuous pressure to act, dress, eat, sleep (and shop) in certain ways that would attract a prospective bride.

And then they are continuously warned that marriage is actually the turning point in their lives after which all the ‘faults’ in their personality will be checked and corrected by none other than their future wife.

Why would I ever want to change anything about my life partner ? She may have her own preferences in food, clothing and lifestyle in general. Sounds silly to change the qualities and hence the identity of the very person you like. The same logic applies the other way round.

But still, I’m continuously subjected to those threatening words – “Wait till she comes…” !

If only they knew that she is not bothered about changing any of those things about me… :-)

Being Street Dumb...

In the past I have written about my experiences while traveling around the city and specially in the Delhi Metro. I had written about how people have no civic sense or general decency to offer their seat to someone who needs it more. 

But of late, I have come to observe such behavior in an entirely different light which appears beyond decency and civic sense. Although it obviously appears to be about being street smart quite literally, but there’s more to it than just being street smart. 

Taking for example, the way people behave while traveling in the Delhi Metro, one needs to keenly observe to realize why people behave the way they do. Without fail, at various Metro stations (specially at the change points) one can see how passengers boarding the train literally scamper to occupy a vacant seat. Obviously not waiting to ascertain if it is labeled for a particular category of passengers (like senior citizens, ladies or the differently abled) they just make sure to get themselves seated first. 

Now, I have often wondered why people are so desperate to sit while traveling (which may be even for as short a journey as one minute). And I don’t mean about frail or sick people but even completely fit and healthy youngsters who can be seen scurrying to occupy seats marked for senior citizens. 

I used to think that maybe it was due to the intense tiredness that one is carrying on themselves after a hard day’s work, or maybe some strange sense of happiness that one experiences only after managing to get a seat even if one is fresh and ready to go to work. 

But I now realize that happiness it is. The happiness of the achievement of managing to win a seat for oneself in such an intensely competitive travel schedule. I have observed people taking it to be an achievement however small it may be. 

And maybe these are the types of small successes people have started to aim for in this highly competitive world. On several occasions, I have overheard people boasting of such a ‘success’ to colleagues at work. It sort of makes one’s day if he or she manages to claim a seat for themselves while traveling. 

The same goes for people who rush through dense crowds in order to stick in a foot between the closing doors of a lift marked only for the elderly or the disabled. On first thought one may feel that people are merely being street smart to make life easier for themselves. Obviously it wouldn’t hurt a twenty five year old if he or she had to stand during a journey that spans about fifteen minutes. Or for that matter, if he or she had to climb up or down about thirty stairs. 

But it is, in fact, the sense of achievement or success that one experiences that makes people ignore any civic sense towards fellow citizens. And maybe it is the street smartness which enables them to achieve these successes. 

It is nice to see people happy through a sense of achievement. But it hurts to imagine how low people set their aims for success. Or rather, everyday success. 

As for me, I’m still street dumb ! 

(Picture Credit : Google Images)

To Cheat or Not to Cheat...

I wonder if you remember the following image where the incredible Mr. Bean is trying to copy answers from his neighbor in an exam.

Well, though I absolutely enjoy how Mr. Bean tried out several ingenious methods to copy during the exam, I’m forced to ponder about why people actually cheat. When I was still a kid, people resorted to cheating as a desperate measure to merely get themselves over the line. And I have been witness to some really bizarre methods that people employed in order to copy. Some resorted to helping themselves while a few lucky ones managed to peep into the neighboring candidate’s work.

But over the years, this practice has evolved into a tool not just to survive, but to excel in one’s field. From a distressed individual’s need, cheating has now become a mutual exercise between people wanting to out-rival others.

During my years in college, it was usual practice to find groups of students planning out an efficient method of mutual collaboration to get really good marks. Mind you, most of such students were extremely capable of performing well enough to land the top ranks by themselves.

I particularly remember the university exams during my first year of Masters. Within a few minutes of obtaining the question paper, I would invariably experience a sort of earthquake. The girl sitting right behind me would use her hands effectively enough to shake my chair to a point where I would be in danger of being floored. And if I would be late in responding to her demand for all the answers of the objective questions, she would then resort to use her legs in giving some hefty kicks to my chair.

Incidentally, the same girl topped our batch in that very year.

Though I never believed in copying answers from anyone, but I hold myself guilty for helping others out irrespective of their needs. I don’t know if it is due to my inability to say a ‘No’, but still, I would be considered a party to the offense.

I have had several heated arguments with my batch mates over the issue of copying during exams. Strangely, the more brilliant students were the ones who always argued in favor of cheating. According to them, if they didn’t cheat, they would be bettered by other brilliant students who also would have been cheating. But I always wonder if people aren’t actually cheating themselves by rejoicing at their false success ?

If people do not know, or choose to ignore their own shortcomings, how can they excel in whatever they do ? Don’t they overlook their own shortcomings instead of recognizing them and working on them ?

There was another incident I remember where one of my friends who didn’t believe in cheating had taken a clinical-ending test with his small batch of twenty odd students. Our professor was calling each student into her room to give out the answer sheets and talking to them. When my friend went in, the first thing she asked him was – “You didn’t cheat ?”

He was rather surprised by the question and replied in the negative. To which she said – “You are the only one who got a 12 in the objective part. Everyone else got 20 out of 20”.

It is not just in academics, but in almost every field that people try to cheat their way to success. It is a common sight in football matches to see players diving to the ground in acting their best to appear in pain. And then they happily accept a foul in their favor.

A few days back, the cricketer Virat Kohli was seen celebrating a half century after he had hit the ball for a boundary. But actually, he had been clearly caught just the ball before which the umpire couldn’t make out. Every person watching around the world knew the batsman was out. Yet, he celebrated his success which was in fact based on a cheated failure.

Just goes to show that people cheat for trying to fool the world. But the only person they are actually fooling is themselves.


Image courtesy : Google Images

Duty vs Conscience...

The other night I was watching a debate on ‘Times Now’ about an ex-minister who has been accused in the case of suicide by a young air-hostess. Anyone with a bit of common sense, after watching the development of the case can understand how a person with power, money and a criminal record, has been making a mockery of the legal system of the country.

Yet, I was aghast to see a senior lawyer of the Supreme Court (who has been selected by the accused politician to fight his case) exclaiming his client to be absolutely innocent. According to him, the accused, who had been declared absconding by the police, was merely exercising his legal rights by evading questioning and seeking anticipatory bail.

Now, why would a person seek anticipatory bail and abscond to evade the police if he is absolutely innocent ? It doesn’t really require rocket-science to make out how innocent the man really is. But then why was such an eminent and senior lawyer trying to defend a man who had so many evidences against him ?

It could be because the lawyer was carrying out his professional duty towards his client who had obviously paid him a huge amount of fee. Not considering money to be the deciding factor, but should we really imagine that the lawyer was bound to do so because of his duty towards his profession ?

Hence, I wonder if professional duty is such a driving force that makes a person forget about morality. Or is it just the other side of the coin of a fair legal system to provide an equal opportunity of defense to an accused ? Just like the appointment of a lawyer for defense for the terrorist ‘Kasab’ who was captured during the 26/11 attack ?

But does such a criminal even deserve a defense ? Someone who is caught red-handed murdering so many innocent citizens ? Does such a terrorist have human-rights for himself who didn’t blink an eye while destroying hundreds of innocent lives ?

What should the lawyer have done who was appointed to defend the terrorist ? Should he have accepted just because it was his professional duty ? Or was his job more important to him ?

Being a doctor, I now shift the same question towards doctors.

Suppose the accused politician I mentioned above is finally proved guilty and sentenced to prison. Most probably (if not surely) he will then complain of chest pain and will be shifted to a personal room in some hospital. Should the doctor on duty be true towards his profession and treat the criminal just as another patient ?

I wonder, if I was the doctor on duty in a government hospital, and was asked to treat a criminal for an illness, who had raped and murdered a little girl, would I rather think about the ‘Hippocratic oath’ (which asks me to treat any and every person who is in need of treatment) and treat the criminal with care or would I think about losing my job if I refused.

Should a terrorist like ‘Kasab’ be entitled to the care from a doctor for an illness just like any other normal patient ? Should the ‘Hippocratic oath’ decide the doctor’s actions ? Or should his conscience decide it for him ?

Should a professional forget about his professional duties while tackling a criminal case and let his conscience take the decision ?

OR…. is money and security of job the biggest factor for one’s actions in today’s times ???

(Image courtesy : Google Images)

Confessions of a Corrupt Indian...

It has not been surprising how over the past few days, every news channel is going berserk with debates, discussions, news-specials and breaking-news about the ‘India Against Corruption’ campaign which has been going on for quite some time now. There have been views both for and against the movement, some subdued, others harsh. But there are a few points which made me ponder upon what exactly was and is happening.

Firstly, as I hear each social-activist, celebrity, politician and even common people exclaim on the television how every Indian is sick and tired of corruption in the country. I wonder if every Indian citizen is against corruption, then who exactly are the corrupt people ? Are they some individuals imported from places like North Korea, Iraq or Kazakhstan ?

I know my question appears rather stupid, as ‘every Indian’ here means every citizen who is not corrupt. Then who exactly is corrupt ?

And then I come to realize that the common man or the ‘aam aadmi’ of India refers to the government officials, bureaucrats and politicians when he talks about corruption. So I ask, are theses people then, some foreign nationals who have smuggled into India for the purpose of looting its people ? Or is it the Chinese population who voted for our parliamentarians ???

NO ! All the corrupt people against whom all of India is fighting are legal citizens of India as well. But are these government-related individuals any different from the rest of the Indian population ? (except the fact that they are corrupt)

NO ! They come from the very society that makes up the rest of the population. Be it a peon, a clerk, a bureaucrat, a politician or a minister. And it is certain that a person’s economic class has nothing to do with him being corrupt or not. A peon, if corrupt, will ask for a bribe, just as a minister will, to help a business lobby.

And there’s a war going on between the IAC movement and the government about passing a bill. The IAC wants a ‘Jan Lokpal Bill’ while the government is adamant on its own version of a ‘Lokpal Bill’. And it is almost an accepted perception that such a bill will certainly curtail corruption and without which corruption cannot be checked. As if such a Bill/law/anti-corruption body is the one and only way to weed out corruption from the country.

So, in other words, we are trying to emphasize that we, the corrupt people, will not change unless and until there is a law which honestly and efficiently checks us if we are corrupt and punishes us if we are guilty !

Isn’t it amazing how we dance, sing, fly the tricolor and rejoice in anticipation of the passing of such a ‘Bill’. Isn’t it like rejoicing about the realization of the extent of corruption ?

Should we actually be proud that our society has come to such a low that there is no hope of us changing and we simply refuse to change unless we are checked and punished ??? That we will stop being corrupt only when forced by the law…

It is said that corruption is so rampant because the people in charge are not accountable. And that the people at the helm are corrupt themselves so corruption is rooted deep into the system. Doesn’t that mean that every subordinate will continue to be corrupt till his superior is corrupt too ?

Are all government officials honest people before they join their jobs ?

Do they become corrupt only after they get into the government service ?

If they were honest before, should they become corrupt just because they have a corrupt superior who doesn’t check them ?

Each and every government official and employee is from amongst us. They may be someone from our family, friends, neighbors or relatives. Then how do they manage to become corrupt ? Is a person corrupt without his family knowing about it ? But still, we as a society let it happen just because it is someone close to us. And we point fingers to those whom we are not related to.

Secondly, is corruption only synonymous with the government ? Is every other individual in any other field of work completely honest ?

What about the doctor at a private hospital who refers his patients for useless investigations just because he gets a part of the investigation charges too ? Is that not corruption ? (Being from the medical field I have witnessed things which might put even a government employee to shame)

What about the employee of a Multi National company who prepares forged bills for re-imbursement from his company ? Is he not corrupt ?

What about the member of a NGO who bungles funded money instead of utilizing it for the required purpose ? Is that not corruption ?

What about the person who drives without a seat-belt/helmet or over-speeds and tries to bribe the policeman instead of accepting a ticket ? Is he honest ?

A common-man who is a honest citizen who is sick and tired of corruption, protests for an anti-corruption bill without realizing :

How he turns his head away when his neighbor is hacking the electricity line without using a valid meter. Just because the neighbor looks after his house when he is away.

How he tries to bribe a railway official to provide him a seat without having a valid ticket to travel.

How he skips taking a valid bill while shopping, to evade the service tax.

How he ignores the fact that his own colleagues are indulging in corrupt practices while being in either the government or the private sector.

How he writes an application for a false sickness-leave for his school going relative just because he skipped school for no reason. Probably training the kid who may one day himself go on to forge documents as an official.

How he secretly conducts coaching classes even though it is illegal for him to do so being a government salaried school/college teacher.

How he bungles up donations collected from the locality in the name of organizing a religious function.  

The above are just a few examples of the types of corruption a common man takes active part in. And even if I haven't indulged in such acts, I am no less corrupt by being a mute spectator and letting others indulge in such acts just because they are close to me. 

But somehow, we seem to be obsessed by linking the word corruption to everything related to only government offices. We detest at having to pay a bribe to a stranger in some office, but we are fine when our own near and dear ones do the same.

I am all for any anti-corruption bill, even if it is directed only to government related corruption and even if it curbs corruption by 0.0001%. Anything positive, no matter how little should be appreciated.

But living in a false sense of euphoria that any rule or law can eradicate corruption or even curb it to a great extent is dangerous.

Corruption is not some dust that can be wiped with the magic broom of a Bill. It is also not any act. (bribe or otherwise) Corruption is a part of one’s character. So, even if strict laws are made to check a corrupt individual, he will always find ways to play by his character.

A rule or a law can be a symptomatic treatment. But just as in medicine, any symptomatic treatment should be given to suppress the symptoms while the root cause of the disease is being treated, just relying on a symptomatic treatment for cure can be dangerous. So, prevention and awareness of our society through those near to us is the only way to cure the menace of corruption. And that’s not possible overnight.

As for the government, it can never change till people continue to vote according to caste, religion and ideologies of political parties.

So, while I’ll be all for any anti-corruption movement, I, as a citizen, need to check my own indulgence in any sort of corruption and also create awareness and prevent those near me to indulge in corruption. I don’t need to sing, dance, clap or run around with a cap on my head and a tricolor in my hand in anticipation of a magic cure in the form of a Bill. Even if that forces me to be labeled as pro-corruption.

True Lies...

We all seem to have our moments of madness. And it was in one such moment when I had decided to jump on-board a social networking website. Just as per my personal preference, I don’t really subscribe to the fact that my life is one useless bit if I don’t dedicate a few good hours every day socializing on one or maybe more such networking websites. To cut it short, I have much better ways to get busy rather than ‘scrapping’ people just for nothing.

Does that signify that I’m not social ?

Maybe. I don’t really know. But I’d rather not be social instead of troubling the mind no end by surfing those socializing platforms.

The other day, I was just checking out if I had been ‘scrapped’ too when I committed the big mistake of drifting into the profiles of ‘Friends’, ‘Friends of Friends’, ‘Friends of Friends of Friends’, and so on….

One strange thing that caught my eye was a typical similarity of a part of personal preferences of an average profile. I say average because there is a significant majority of people who are simply nowhere near the likes of a normal person if you are to go by the look of their profiles.

The thing that I picked out was that almost every other female (and even males) had mentioned in their ‘Personal’ section that they hate lies and liars. Some had mentioned liars as one of the turn-offs while others had commented things like “I cannot tolerate lies…”, “I hate liars…”, “I never forgive liars…” and the sorts. Some even added an ‘of course’ to lies and liars while categorizing them in the list of negatives to add a matter-of-factness to the statement.

It really amazes me no end when I realize the number of honest and truthful people we have between us. Of course only honest and truthful people can be turned off by lies and liars…. NO ?

Or does it concern just the lies coming from the other end ? Ohhh… so you mean one can lie himself/herself, but is entitled to hate the other liars out rightly ?? Because if it’s not the case, then what do we really do if not tell a lie when we…

* Tell our brother/sister to tell our friends on phone that we are sick and will not be able to make it…. Just because we don’t feel like going ??? *
* Use the worst possible expletives while on the roads or with friends…. But behave as the most sober persons at formal gatherings ??? *
* Are going out with that ‘someone’ while having a serious ‘affair’…. But telling our parents that we will be busy in classes at the college ??? *

And many more such everyday instances.

So why are people averse to lies and liars ? There are actually some people, who, while being oblivious to their own lies, look at someone else’s lie as an unpardonable offence. Some even decide their preferences in relationships on such ‘offences’. These are the people who cannot take lies….

So do we really need to be so judgmental about lies and liars ? If not, then is hating lies and liars the evergreen ‘fashion statement’ for personal profiles on and offline ?? Something that certifies instant nobleness to one’s personal profile, indirectly suggesting that he or she is not and can never be a liar.

To, The Indian Female...

No. I’m not feeling sleepy. I was feeling sleepy though, some 8 odd hours ago. But not since I decided to browse around a bit for some updates if any before hitting the bed. I found an update on Nikita’s blog in the form of 'A Letter' to the 'Indian Male'. And the rest of the night was spent twisting and turning trying to discover a comfortable position which could get me some sleep. But, which wasn’t to be.

Well, the reason for my sleeplessness was the sheer amazement to how she had put into words, the contents of a part of my mind. She had tossed a coin pretty high. But it would have been much better if she had turned the other side of it too. The other face of the same coin which was staring right at my mind’s eye…. refusing to let it drift into sleep.

So let me toss the coin again….

I first faced one such situation after completing school. It was some cold December evening when I was with three of my colleagues in a restaurant. Having ordered, we were in the midst of some discussion which suddenly shifted to the females of our batch. And suddenly, I found myself rather uncomfortable. I made two futile attempts to divert the proceedings elsewhere. But I guess they had got the ‘masala’ for gossip. And it was getting filthier as each second passed.

I could feel my eyes starting to burn, hot air escaping the ears and my head nearing the point of bursting. And just as they started to use names, I lost it. I completely lost it.

People who have known me would tell you that they have never seen me lose my temper. They would be surprised to know if I did. But, personally, I surprised myself by the sort of anger that I let loose then. I gave them a public dressing-down which I never thought myself to be capable of. All the people sitting around were looking at us and I wouldn’t be too mistaken if they actually expected me to get rough any second considering the state I was in. Soon, I was storming out of the place with my colleagues absolutely shocked and the onlookers pretty surprised.

And guess what !!! One of those colleagues of mine later married a girl of our own batch (not that very day… of course).

Coming to another incident which happened right during class hours. We had our batch divided into smaller ones (groups of about 20) for the sake of the numerous subjects we had to study. During one such class we were still waiting for our professor while being busy in our talks. As usual, the girls occupied the first two rows of chairs in the room while the boys sat at the back.

And the group in the last row got busy in their usual disgusting talks. One or two of them made sure to use the filthiest of expletives in the loudest of voices so that it may reach the ears of each and every one sitting in the room.

The girls were busy in their own talks. In fact they tried their best to portray exactly that. But the intense observer that I am, I could see that people were very uncomfortable. And then there was a repeat of the feeling I had at the restaurant.

And suddenly I got up, and stormed out of the room without a word. I was furious. In fact, I was in a rage. I could sense two forces having a battle of sorts inside my head. One wanted me to go back and teach the perverts a lesson. While the other tried to reason. If I did confront the perverts, I would in fact be bringing the filth out in the open which, the people had till then told themselves, didn’t exist. I would make it obvious what everyone was trying their best to ignore. Cause for great embarrassment. And that was exactly what those pervs wanted. I ended up missing the class…

Maybe I should have confronted them in order to prevent any future repetition of their misbehavior. But I guess my inexperience got the better of me.

And guess what !!! One of those colleagues of mine later married a girl of our own batch (not that very day… of course).

Which is what makes me ponder to my wits end. And what Nikita wrote in her letter to ‘Indian males’ underlines the very crux of my pondering.

“I understand that all of you are not the same, but I do not know which of you to address. I don’t know which of you is a ‘safe bet’. And I have no way of knowing it.”
But wasn’t it something else I knew all the time ? Something which said that, men’s minds are absolutely simple to understand. While a female’s mind is the most complicated thing you’ll ever come across.

If a male’s mind is so simple to understand, why can’t the females evaluate his real character ??? Why is there a dilemma in knowing the ‘safe bet’ ??? Why is there no way of knowing it ???

Consider a situation (in India, of course). A girl is away from home (be it a market, at work or the college campus) and a boy comes up and says that he would like to be her friend.

The reaction…. ??? Well, it depends. If the girl in question is a bit more adventurous, the answer would depend on the type of footwear she has on herself at that moment. A not so adventurous girl would let her eyes do the work of the footwear instead. But, almost in every case, the outcome is the same. Which actually means…. “How dare you could come up and talk to me like that?”

And if by any chance the boy happens to be her batch mate she has known for years…. SACRILEGE !!!

I may be over-exaggerating the situation but that was pretty much the norm in my younger days. Youngsters now are much more sensible than they were back then.

But yes, the same girl would probably be meeting a complete stranger sometime later in life who has been discovered by her parents as a probable match. (Again a norm in older times)

So what…. ??? Her parents have investigated everything there needs to be.

The guy is an MBA, working in the US with a huge salary package (would take his wife abroad with him) and has reasonable family background. What else can one ask for ? Character ??? No. That’s obvious.

So what if the guy robs the parents of their life’s earnings in the form of that sacred ritual called dowry. So what if he is having an ‘affair’ or two. So what if he is the same old pervert while with his ‘gang’ of friends. Marital rape ?? Oh. Come on. That’s nothing compared to the comfortable life she will get after marriage….

But obviously she just can’t accept an offer of friendship from a colleague. She didn’t know if he was a ‘safe bet’. And she had absolutely no way of knowing it too… !!!

Mind you, I too, understand that all of you are not the same. Just as you understand that all Indian men are not the same. But we have this habit of stereotyping the other gender. Don't we ?

Just for a tip, a high level of educational qualifications, luxurious levels of financial status and even a sound and respected family background cannot rule out perverseness.

Accepted. So many males are perverted. Maybe even to the extent of a majority. But that doesn’t mean you put all of them in a box, blindfold yourself and pick one out. And once picked, you place him on a pedestal which equals to that of God. What I’m driving at is that many times, even the knowledge of a man's true character is ignored by a woman, specially if he happens to be the chosen one and/or family.

Thankfully, females now (specially the youngsters) are sensible enough to identify the character of a person quicker and more accurately than their elder generations. And I actually don't blame the older generations of not being able to judge a person's true character too. What I fail to understand is how and why some females tend to ignore the perverseness of the men close to them.

Maybe patriarchy has its effect on this too. But you need to destroy it's shackles as much as us males need to. Patriarchy actually affects males as well.

Sleep…. Dear sleep…. Where are you…. ???

P.S. : I guess I got delayed in posting this bit which I had managed to do in the morning courtesy the Electricity Supply Association.