To, The Indian Female...

No. I’m not feeling sleepy. I was feeling sleepy though, some 8 odd hours ago. But not since I decided to browse around a bit for some updates if any before hitting the bed. I found an update on Nikita’s blog in the form of 'A Letter' to the 'Indian Male'. And the rest of the night was spent twisting and turning trying to discover a comfortable position which could get me some sleep. But, which wasn’t to be.

Well, the reason for my sleeplessness was the sheer amazement to how she had put into words, the contents of a part of my mind. She had tossed a coin pretty high. But it would have been much better if she had turned the other side of it too. The other face of the same coin which was staring right at my mind’s eye…. refusing to let it drift into sleep.

So let me toss the coin again….

I first faced one such situation after completing school. It was some cold December evening when I was with three of my colleagues in a restaurant. Having ordered, we were in the midst of some discussion which suddenly shifted to the females of our batch. And suddenly, I found myself rather uncomfortable. I made two futile attempts to divert the proceedings elsewhere. But I guess they had got the ‘masala’ for gossip. And it was getting filthier as each second passed.

I could feel my eyes starting to burn, hot air escaping the ears and my head nearing the point of bursting. And just as they started to use names, I lost it. I completely lost it.

People who have known me would tell you that they have never seen me lose my temper. They would be surprised to know if I did. But, personally, I surprised myself by the sort of anger that I let loose then. I gave them a public dressing-down which I never thought myself to be capable of. All the people sitting around were looking at us and I wouldn’t be too mistaken if they actually expected me to get rough any second considering the state I was in. Soon, I was storming out of the place with my colleagues absolutely shocked and the onlookers pretty surprised.

And guess what !!! One of those colleagues of mine later married a girl of our own batch (not that very day… of course).

Coming to another incident which happened right during class hours. We had our batch divided into smaller ones (groups of about 20) for the sake of the numerous subjects we had to study. During one such class we were still waiting for our professor while being busy in our talks. As usual, the girls occupied the first two rows of chairs in the room while the boys sat at the back.

And the group in the last row got busy in their usual disgusting talks. One or two of them made sure to use the filthiest of expletives in the loudest of voices so that it may reach the ears of each and every one sitting in the room.

The girls were busy in their own talks. In fact they tried their best to portray exactly that. But the intense observer that I am, I could see that people were very uncomfortable. And then there was a repeat of the feeling I had at the restaurant.

And suddenly I got up, and stormed out of the room without a word. I was furious. In fact, I was in a rage. I could sense two forces having a battle of sorts inside my head. One wanted me to go back and teach the perverts a lesson. While the other tried to reason. If I did confront the perverts, I would in fact be bringing the filth out in the open which, the people had till then told themselves, didn’t exist. I would make it obvious what everyone was trying their best to ignore. Cause for great embarrassment. And that was exactly what those pervs wanted. I ended up missing the class…

Maybe I should have confronted them in order to prevent any future repetition of their misbehavior. But I guess my inexperience got the better of me.

And guess what !!! One of those colleagues of mine later married a girl of our own batch (not that very day… of course).

Which is what makes me ponder to my wits end. And what Nikita wrote in her letter to ‘Indian males’ underlines the very crux of my pondering.

“I understand that all of you are not the same, but I do not know which of you to address. I don’t know which of you is a ‘safe bet’. And I have no way of knowing it.”
But wasn’t it something else I knew all the time ? Something which said that, men’s minds are absolutely simple to understand. While a female’s mind is the most complicated thing you’ll ever come across.

If a male’s mind is so simple to understand, why can’t the females evaluate his real character ??? Why is there a dilemma in knowing the ‘safe bet’ ??? Why is there no way of knowing it ???

Consider a situation (in India, of course). A girl is away from home (be it a market, at work or the college campus) and a boy comes up and says that he would like to be her friend.

The reaction…. ??? Well, it depends. If the girl in question is a bit more adventurous, the answer would depend on the type of footwear she has on herself at that moment. A not so adventurous girl would let her eyes do the work of the footwear instead. But, almost in every case, the outcome is the same. Which actually means…. “How dare you could come up and talk to me like that?”

And if by any chance the boy happens to be her batch mate she has known for years…. SACRILEGE !!!

I may be over-exaggerating the situation but that was pretty much the norm in my younger days. Youngsters now are much more sensible than they were back then.

But yes, the same girl would probably be meeting a complete stranger sometime later in life who has been discovered by her parents as a probable match. (Again a norm in older times)

So what…. ??? Her parents have investigated everything there needs to be.

The guy is an MBA, working in the US with a huge salary package (would take his wife abroad with him) and has reasonable family background. What else can one ask for ? Character ??? No. That’s obvious.

So what if the guy robs the parents of their life’s earnings in the form of that sacred ritual called dowry. So what if he is having an ‘affair’ or two. So what if he is the same old pervert while with his ‘gang’ of friends. Marital rape ?? Oh. Come on. That’s nothing compared to the comfortable life she will get after marriage….

But obviously she just can’t accept an offer of friendship from a colleague. She didn’t know if he was a ‘safe bet’. And she had absolutely no way of knowing it too… !!!

Mind you, I too, understand that all of you are not the same. Just as you understand that all Indian men are not the same. But we have this habit of stereotyping the other gender. Don't we ?

Just for a tip, a high level of educational qualifications, luxurious levels of financial status and even a sound and respected family background cannot rule out perverseness.

Accepted. So many males are perverted. Maybe even to the extent of a majority. But that doesn’t mean you put all of them in a box, blindfold yourself and pick one out. And once picked, you place him on a pedestal which equals to that of God. What I’m driving at is that many times, even the knowledge of a man's true character is ignored by a woman, specially if he happens to be the chosen one and/or family.

Thankfully, females now (specially the youngsters) are sensible enough to identify the character of a person quicker and more accurately than their elder generations. And I actually don't blame the older generations of not being able to judge a person's true character too. What I fail to understand is how and why some females tend to ignore the perverseness of the men close to them.

Maybe patriarchy has its effect on this too. But you need to destroy it's shackles as much as us males need to. Patriarchy actually affects males as well.

Sleep…. Dear sleep…. Where are you…. ???

P.S. : I guess I got delayed in posting this bit which I had managed to do in the morning courtesy the Electricity Supply Association.