At Any Cost...

So, MSD has finally called it quits as far as the longer version of cricket is concerned. As has happened countless times in the past, as soon as the team starts doing badly, people start discovering villains. And more often than not, it is the captain who is given all the blame.

Actually, the crux of the problem it seems is that people cannot accept a loss even if it occurs in a sport. If it wasn’t about winning some AND losing some, sport wouldn’t have been sport in the first place.

For a lot many years, it was taken for granted that if the Zimbabwe team was playing a cricket match, it was certain to lose it. Not that the Zimbabwe players didn’t give their best. It was just that the other teams were better than them. But still they kept on trying until they started winning and people started taking them seriously. The opposite was taken for granted for the once indomitable West Indies team.

In sport, people and teams face defeats. But more than the result, it is the game itself that provides all the joy and entertainment. Supremely talented sportspersons lose, but they still provide moments of bliss to those who watch them play. The final result of a game just adds to the excitement and just adds up in the record books.

But we, the people of today are obsessed with the result. And that too a positive one. People are happy as long as the team wins. Even if it wins on the basis of a stupid rule after the game being interrupted by rain.

So it’s no wonder that people want a person who provides them with wins. At any cost. And this goes not just for sport but even about political leaders of the country.

Another thing which is baffling is how we spontaneously equate talent with leadership. We take it for granted that a player who is more talented in playing skills than others will automatically be a better leader. We did this with Sachin Tendulkar. But he was intelligent and insightful enough to understand the difference between talent and leadership.

A leader in sport is not always the best player of the team. He is someone who can bind the players as a team and is able to extract the maximum out of them in terms of performance. He is one who inspires the team in times of low confidence. And above all, he should be someone who conducts himself as an ambassador of his team and country in a respectful way.

MSD was is the example of a leader in the true sense. Not losing his cool and maintaining a level head even in tough situations were the qualities exemplified by him.

But I would personally never like to have the leader of a group of players who represent my country as a person who doesn’t even know the basic levels of decency while on the playing field. Ricky Ponting was a very talented cricketer. And a highly successful captain too. But was he a good ambassador for cricket or his country ? NO !

It is extremely sad to see how people prefer a misbehaving (though highly talented) captain to lead and represent the country. Maybe because they expect him to produce victories for the team which eventually add up in the record books. For people today, a victorious result brings a strange sense of satisfaction irrespective of how the game was played. After all, people are obsessed with victories. At any cost.

 

(Image Courtesy : Google Images)

The Game of Hierarchy...

Under the influence of my very old habit of keenly observing the people around me, I have often wondered… do people submit to oppression easily ? The immediate response to this question comes as an obvious ‘NO’. No they don’t.

Unless there is this issue of hierarchy involved.

Hierarchies… we are simply surrounded by the concept in our daily lives. Be it the workplace or relationships, it is rare for a person to escape the effects of hierarchy. Effects which are mostly (if not always) negative. Negative though, for the one who is placed at a lower level in the ladder of hierarchy. Whereas, the so called superior enjoys the benefits of this very ladder of hierarchy.

A daughter-in-law quietly tolerates the whims of her mother-in-law. An assistant lives by the commands of the boss at work. A ‘junior’ college student is ruled by the ‘seniors’. Hierarchy works almost everywhere.

But what is it that drives those placed low in the hierarchy submit so meekly to those placed higher up ? From the looks of it, the very obvious answer would be the need for survival. To maintain a peaceful relationship with the in-laws. Or the necessity to keep holding on to the job. Or the so called benefits to be had from the ‘experienced’ seniors.

All the above reasons seem very logical. But beneath this practice of observing the protocols of hierarchy, there exists a sense of anticipation. The anticipation to grab the powerful position one day and exercise it over one’s future subordinates.

Very recently, I was witness to a cultural program at a government medical college. The highlight of the show was a small skit by the first year students who portrayed the life of a ‘fresher’ which also included the menace of ragging by the seniors. And as the students acting as seniors abused and threatened the ones acting as the ‘freshers’, it extracted a big applause from the entire audience including many professors watching the show who seemed to enjoy it very much.

Maybe they remembered their own days of harassment at the hands of their ‘superiors’ which eventually made way for the happy days when they were able to harass their own subordinates. It appeared to be a sweet recall of the pain and then the pleasure. And the bliss of revenge.

I have always found it strange how someone can cozy up to the very person who abused them physically, mentally or verbally. How people are able to befriend and ‘respect’ those who harassed them just a few days back ? It never did sum up as per my thinking abilities.

   

But now, it is a lot clearer to me after understanding the ways of hierarchy and the sadistic pleasure it brings once a person has been able to tide over the rough and tough days of being a subordinate. The pleasure of tormenting a subordinate is way too grand for anyone to remember the abuse their abusers meted out to them.

The delusional sense of superiority is good enough to forget the real pain and hurt of inferiority. The cycle continues from being real to being delusional. But as long as it ends on a happy note, people just don’t care.

After all, ‘kyunki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi’ !

(Image Courtesy : Google Images)

Face Off...

Recently, on the way back from an official trip for academic purposes, the colleagues and me made a stop-over at Amritsar for a day. We visited the 'Golden Temple' and the 'Jallianwalla Bagh' as is almost mandatory for any visitor to Amritsar. However, I was anticipating our visit to a place called the ‘Wagah border’ which is known to be the point of entry into India from Pakistan and vice versa.

We actually didn’t plan to stroll in to Pakistan territory, but were repeatedly advised to visit the ‘Wagah border’ by people who had been there before. The reason for the interest in that place seemed to emerge due to a daily exhibition of a ‘Beating retreat’ ceremony that marks the lowering of flags of the two countries by their security forces on each side of the border.

After making utter gluttons of ourselves over the famous ‘Amritsari thalis’ and ‘Kulchas’, we set of for the border in the heat of the afternoon with a jolly old Sardarji as our guide cum driver.

But as soon as we were dropped off about one kilometer from the actual site of the event, I could sense a strange feeling one experiences on arriving at a cricket match. There were people with boxes of colors in one hand and brushes in the other literally chasing and harassing the visitors to get the national flag painted on their face. Others were harassing the visitors into buying snacks and bottles of water. The scene appeared no less than a picnic spot. We somehow managed to escape those harassers.

After half an hour worth’s walk in the sun (which was a welcome option after all the over-eating) and surviving long queues on at least three security check points, we finally reached the site of action. The venue consisted of public stands made on either side of the Grand Trunk road on each side of the border with a couple of gates separating the two sides in the middle of the road.

We soon realized the futility of reaching the stand comparatively early as all the over-excited spectators decided to view the proceedings (even if nothing had begun yet) while standing. We decided it better to move to the edge of the stand to be able to catch glimpses by trying to stand on our toes.

Instantly, a tall man in a white sports suit emerged with a mic in his hand and greeted all the spectators (on the Indian side, obviously). He then gave a brief introduction about the ceremony and notified everyone about the slogans that would be shouted. 

It was then that we noticed rows of chairs on each side of the road in front of the stands. And then we realized that they were meant for VIP and VVIP visitors who wanted to have a ringside view of the proceedings. We were still discussing whether those seats were paid or not when suddenly movie songs suggestive of patriotism started playing on the loudspeakers all around.

On seeing the crowd in the stands bursting into a resounding cheer, I stood on my toes to see what it was all about. And there, in the middle of the road were large groups of females of various ages having the time of their lives dancing on the beats of the songs. 

It looked rather like a typical ‘baraat’, the only addition being a few Indian flags being waved by some of the enthusiastic dancers. How the entire crowd comprehended it as something highly patriotic was beyond me.

Soon, I could make out something very similar going on across the other side of the border. The dancing, waving and shouting continued for almost half an hour during which I had several bouts of reasoning whether or not it was a mistake to visit this place.

Thankfully, this extravagant display of patriotism ended and we saw a few of the troops marching out for what appeared to be the serious part of the ceremony. But we soon realized that it was just the formal part of the competition; a competition which the two countries indulge in every day.

A competition about –

Whose troops are taller and smarter…

Whose commanding personnel can shout louder and longer…

Whose soldiers are more aggressive in the routine…

The crowd on which side can over-shout the other…

And ultimately, who displays more patriotism than the other.

While the dedication of the security forces is unparalleled, it was really disheartening to see the results of the ceremony which the crowds on either side of the border took away with them. A sense of patriotism in any form is always welcome but what each country can do without, especially at this point of time, is the sense of aversion, hostility and distrust. 

The mutual lowering of the national flags should signify mutual trust and confidence between the two sides. The flags are indeed lowered. But only after the crowd on each side is assured that they are better than the other and the other side cannot be trusted.

It is ironic that on each side of the border, on the monumental gateways bearing the names and flags of India and Pakistan, there appear the pictures of the fathers of both the nations. It seems as if people on both the sides are ready to take on each other on behalf of their ‘father of the nation’.

But I’m sure that both M.K. Gandhi and M.A. Jinnah wouldn’t have expected being forced to face off each other so many years after independence.

Chance or Choice... ???

Just the other day I was talking to my five year old nephew on the phone as he was busy describing to me, his new adventures in school. Having heard enough, I tried to change the topic of the conversation.

“What did you have for lunch today?” I asked.

“Pasta…..” He replied.

“Pasta… ??” I checked again.

“Pastaaa… Faastaa… Fast thaaa…” I was on fast… he clarified in his kiddy voice.

On further enquiry I came to know that the poor kid was fasting due to the ongoing ‘Navratras’ (nine days of the Goddess).

To say that I was exasperated on hearing this would be an understatement. I mean, here was a little kid of five, who jumps for joy at the mere sight of the ‘M’ of McDonalds. To have him kept hungry for a whole day just to please the Goddess is laying it on a bit thick.

Okay… there are people who are very religious and hopefully they understand whatever logic they seem to follow by observing rituals. But what sense does a five year old kid have about religion, rituals and anything of that sort ?

Or are the ‘sensible’ adults promoting their religious devotion by forcing rituals on little kids ?

All humans who follow a certain religion, do so because they happen to be born into that religion (except those who convert). So automatically, they learn (are taught) that their faith is the only true faith. This learning eventually turns into belief which quite often results in fanaticism.

We identify a child by her or his religion right from the time of birth. But no one cares to ascertain which religion does the child wants to follow. Obviously, a new born cannot even decide upon the bladder/bowel functions, let alone be able to choose his religion.

Right from the time of birth up to an age of maturity (which is taken to be as 18), it is obvious that a person cannot judge the pros and cons of a religion. Hence, a person below the age of 18 is unable to make independent choices.

So, I wonder that why should any person below the age of 18 years (or before attaining mental maturity) be known to be following a certain religion ? Once he or she attains maturity, a person should be free to choose from the available set of religions as per their own logic.

In other words, people below 18 years of age should NOT have any religion to follow. Unless a person is mature and aware enough to make choices, how can he or she know that his own religion is the best ?

Abolishing religious identity of all people below the age of maturity would help to prevent religious fundamentalism and fanaticism to a certain extent. Hence, a person should have a choice to choose his religion instead of being forced into following one by mere chance by birth.

I hope such a day becomes a reality in the future when people are able to choose their religion.

Though I guess people will hardly bother to think about religion, let alone choose one for themselves if they grow into sensible adults without being forced into following a religion by birth.   
 

(Image courtesy : Google Images)

Living In !

Enter the password !

Mind Your Language...

Once again, the debate on English versus the Indian languages (specially Hindi) is hitting the national news. Some people seem to have a big problem with the UPSC testing the Civil Services aspirants in basic English proficiency in its entrance test.

(Intellectual bankruptcy.... what else ??)

Earlier, I had written a post on the use of English as compared to the regional languages for higher education in India, when a loonie baba suggested that all higher education in India should be conducted in Hindi or the regional language.

Once all such ridiculous ideas are demolished through logic, such people turn to the issue of nationalism which they think is automatically associated with language.

What such people fail to understand is that a language is a means of communication. It is NOT the parameter to assess one’s patriotism.

A person may have a particular mother tongue. But it is not necessary that his or her mother tongue is understandable to most of the people that person wants to communicate with. Thus, if that person uses another language to communicate with other people, it does not automatically imply that he or she is being disrespectful to the mother tongue.

A person may be living and working away from his hometown and his parents in another place. And therefore, instead of his parents, he interacts with his colleagues and boss on a regular basis rather than his parents. Will that mean he becomes disrespectful to his parents simply because he is not interacting with them on a daily basis ? Similar logic.

Most ‘patriots’ who shout for the use of Hindi or other regional languages instead of English do so because of their negative views for the British who once ruled India. But they forget that English is not the Queen’s property. Yes, the British Empire once ruled almost the entire world. But one good thing that resulted from it is that it provided a common language of communication for people from various parts of the world.

My mother tongue is Hindi, but I’m writing this post in English. That doesn’t turn my loyalties towards the United Kingdom. Neither does it imply that I disregard Hindi or I’m disrespectful towards Hindi. I’m writing in English in order to put across my thoughts, whether good or bad or right or wrong, to people not just across India but across the world.

Often, when I visit a blog directory such as ‘Indiblogger’, I come across some popular blogs by people which are in their regional language. However much I would like to read their views, I cannot do so since I do not understand that language. Similarly, a person from another region of India would be unable to understand my blog if I were to write it in Hindi. So, either I have to learn another person’s language or he has to learn mine in order to communicate our views to each other.

English serves that purpose easily and efficiently bringing people on an equal platform instead of one learning the other’s language. The same goes for people from different parts of the world.

And when people give the examples of Russia, China, Germany, etc. to suggest that they still use their own language instead of resorting to English, they simply show their ignorance about the fact that even these countries are turning to English in order to reach out globally in every field.

And yes, the above countries are more or less homogeneous in the composition of their populations regarding language. India, on the other hand, is not a homogenous country. It is in fact, a Union of States with different cultures and languages. It’s similar in comparison if we consider the European Union to be one country. No wonder we don’t have a single national language and hence need to depend on English as a common language of communication.

So, instead of hating a language just because it is associated with a certain population, people should understand that a language is simply a mode of communication. One should not compare and classify languages, let alone use it as a tool to determine one’s patriotism.

And, instead of changing the education system according to one’s language proficiency, it is much better and easier to be educated in a common language of communication from the beginning along with one’s mother tongue and other regional languages.

(Image courtesy : Google Images)

It's It is not Its...

Of late, I’ve been quite distracted while spending my time reading on the internet. Whether it is a news report or a random message by an old school mate, my attention has continuously been drawn to the use of apostrophes.

Ok, I’m no expert in the English language as such, but all along since learning to read and write English, I have had a particular concept regarding the use of apostrophes. Having come across at least a dozen instances in the past week which contradicted my own concept of apostrophes, I was forced to re-check whether I had been carrying a wrong concept all these years.

To my relief, I found that I wasn’t wrong with my concept of using apostrophes after all.

The very first thing that brought my attention to this issue was a message by an old school mate on Facebook where he wrote friend’s to call out to all his friends. I would thus like to clarify the correct usage of apostrophes to avoid such mistakes while writing.

1. An apostrophe is used to indicate ownership by a proper noun.

   An apostrophe with an "s" after a proper noun indicates that the person, place or thing owns whatever  
   noun follows his or her name.

   Example : John’s apples; India’s flag; car’s tyre, etc.

2. Don’t use an apostrophe to indicate a plural.

    If you have more than one apple, then write apples, not apple's.

    Many friends = correct;  many friend’s = wrong.

3. Don't use an apostrophe to indicate ownership when using "it".

    The reason for this is to avoid confusion between "its" used for possession and "it's" used as a 
    contraction of "it is."

4. Use apostrophes in contractions.

     Sometimes, especially in informal writing, apostrophes are used to indicate one or more missing letters.

     Examples : "don't" is short for "do not"; “She’s” is short for “She is”; “It’s” is short for “It is”.

I hope this helps people to avoid small mistakes while using apostrophes when they write.

(Image courtesy : Google Images)

The Impure Cycle...

Since times immemorial, the lives of women (especially in India) have been controlled by other people (including other women). Somehow people discover ways to dominate women by exploiting issues that make them feel vulnerable.

But it is all the more shocking to know that women are dominated/controlled/ridiculed for the very reasons that make them different from men. And one such reason is the occurrence of cyclical physiologic events that a woman experiences as a result of possessing a specialized reproductive system. Yes, I’m talking about menstrual cycles.

But instead of acknowledging it as a normal and physiologic activity, people go to the extent of attaching a sense of impurity with a woman’s monthly cycles.

Just imagine a scenario where a newly wed woman is forced expected to perform some rituals or prayers in order to provide her husband’s family a male heir. But once it is known that she is in the middle of ‘those’ days, she is immediately pronounced as untouchable and quarantined into a remote corner of the house.

How can a normal natural physiological process render a person impure ? How can a Goddess/God distance herself/himself from one of her/his own creation just because that creation was functioning normally ?

Do women really need to pray to such a Goddess/God ?

But it is all the more depressing when one finds women (even young in age) themselves accepting the ridiculous idea of being impure. Someone once told me that this impurity is actually logical as women in the process of bleeding would contaminate things they come in contact with. Thus they are prohibited to enter temples or touch objects (including containers of food) during ‘those’ days.

I ask, what if the son of the house, having injured himself falling off his cycle (pun intended) comes to the house bleeding from several places. Would he be considered impure too ? Would he be prohibited from moving about and touching things too ? But I guess we all know the answer.

The discrimination mentioned above happens only when it is known to others when a woman is menstruating. But the shame associated with it is so much that more often than not, it remains taboo. Even if a female is going through the worst possible effects (symptoms which include severe cramps, depression, fatigue, etc.) she cannot disclose the reason for the fear of being shamed.

Ignorance and insensitivity towards a completely normal physiological process makes life horrible for most females in a country like India. Having read quite a bit about the experiences of many females it is evident that even in urban areas, it is not easy for a female to tackle menarche.

Just spare a thought for the millions of girls in rural India who have no access to even the help from a confidant and/or knowledgeable mother, or to the knowledge of health education and health products, let alone have an access or freedom to go to a pharmacy. Add to it the presence of uneducated and insensitive people all around and one just shudders at the thought.

No wonder most young girls in rural India are forced to give up going to a school because of the above mentioned reasons. It is one of the most serious reasons for the pathetic female literacy rate, specially in rural India. Our country needs awareness, sensitization and health measures for all such females in rural areas. Even better if the government can provide free hygiene products from the Primary Health Centres across the country.     

Many schools in cities are known to conduct sessions to educate young girls about the health issues they are expected to face. But more often than not, the boys are kept out of such sessions. What people tend to forget that boys need as much sensitization towards such issues as girls, if not more. If young men are not educated about such gender-based issues, they will grow up being insensitive towards their female counterparts and will end up using such issues as a means of ridicule or jokes.

Why should a girl be made to feel ashamed of a completely natural process ? Why should she be denied a chance to explain the reason for her sickness ? Our country needs serious awareness regarding normal female physiology (specially for males) in order to tackle the inherent gender discrimination in our society.

For all the males who think that a female’s periods are something funny or ridiculous……. Grow up !

For all the people (including nosey MILs and grannys) who think that every girl becomes impure for some time every month……. Get a life, and let others live theirs !

Respect...

Of late, I have been wondering about what is it that makes a person respect another person. By this I don’t mean the respect every human should have towards every living being (or maybe even non-living objects). That is a type of a passive respect that is expected from every human.

My question about respect is directed towards the active variety where a person respects another person for some reason which is more than just for being alive.

We respect certain people for certain reasons. And mostly, we don’t even realize whether or not we are offering our respect to the person who actually deserves it. The following are some of the reasons for which we tend to respect (or at least pretend to respect) certain people.

1. Age
2. Experience
3. Knowledge
4. Wisdom
5. Position
6. Fear

Age – This is one of the most common reasons for someone to show respect to another person. It is almost taken for granted that someone who has seen more years in life automatically deserves to be respected. But at times, even older people have certain flaws which make them undeserving to receive respect. Can a person who mistreats his or her children or other younger family members be deserving respect ? So, age cannot be the single criterion for respect.

Experience – This factor, though somewhat related to age, is another reason why people are respected. People tend to learn from more experienced persons, and hence, respect those who are more experienced. But can mere experience make a person deserving enough to get respect ? Can a highly experienced policeman who accepts bribes and drinks while on duty be respected by a newly recruited policeman ?

Knowledge – Another factor which determines whether or not a person gets respect from others. A person may be highly qualified and educated but may still not be deserving enough to receive respect. An abusive teacher or a selfish scientist may both be highly educated, but they cannot be respected only because of their academic achievements.

Wisdom – This is one factor that is closest to being the best reason for any person to be respected. It actually shows a person’s ability to put both experience and knowledge to the best of use. But can a person be respected who instead of using his wisdom for constructive activities uses it for destructive purposes ? Some of our politicians are the best examples.

Position – Or hierarchy is another common reason why some people respect others superior to them. It is mostly, if not always, the norm to respect the boss or senior even if he or she is the most abusive person around. Even gross incapabilities of being a civilized human being are overlooked while giving (or pretending to give) respect to a superior. But is such a respect really deserved ?

Fear – Finally, people tend to respect others out of fear. It is usually money-power or muscle-power which scares people into respecting those who possess it. It is very common to find students respecting their seniors (who ragged them) out of fear. And don’t we see wealthy people being given special respect in various situations ? Such type of respect is probably the worst amongst the reasons for respecting someone.

But what people often forget is that it is the character of an individual that enables him or her to command respect from others. A person may not be wealthy, or highly educated, or elderly by age, or strong physically. But it is his or her behavior with others and the power of his or her character that truly makes a person really deserving of receiving respect from others. A person with impeccable character and good behavior towards others will always command respect irrespective of any other reason.

If only everyone could concentrate on these aspects before respecting or pretending to respect others…

(Image Courtesy : Google Images)

When The Tables Turn...

Sometimes, it becomes really interesting to imagine what life would be like on the other side of the fence. But at times, rather than being interesting one can actually understand what life could be like if one is on the wrong end of gender discrimination.

So, what if –

Female newborns were rejoiced while male fetuses were aborted…

Little girls were given all the freedom to study, play and enjoy life while the little boys were told to learn household work and do it too…

Females could choose their careers and work to make themselves financially independent, while males were married off to move to their in-laws place to serve them and keep them happy…

Males would have to give up on their careers just for the sake of the careers of their wife…

Husbands would stay at home and look after the kids while the wife would go out for work…

All decisions for the household were made by the wife with the husband having no say except for agreeing with his wife…

It would be the man’s responsibility to dress ‘appropriately’ and carry the symbols of being married…

The men wouldn’t be allowed to go out of the house after dark while the females would move around till late nights…

Men would be subjected to suggestive stares and comments by groups of women at public places, and even probably be stalked around by them…

A man being all alone at a deserted place would run the risk of ‘adam-teased’ and being molested or raped by women…

After being molested or raped, the man would actually be held responsible for the incident for dressing inappropriately and stepping out of the house at the wrong time…

The list is endless. But just a few examples go on to show how our society is so heavily imbalanced regarding equality and freedom between the two genders. If only the males could put themselves in a female’s shoes and understand this inequality, it would help to make the society just a bit more sensitive towards gender equality.

I came across a video which depicts exactly how the world would be if the majority (males) would be the ones who are oppressed.

Advisory * The video is NSFW (Not Safe For Work) viewing for some crude language and unconventional visuals.*

Religious Control of Female Sexuality...

Enter the Password !

Wait Till SHE Comes...

“I’m not eating this…” I exclaimed to Mom while pointing to the serving of a particular vegetable on my dinner plate with the spoon.

In fact, my demeanor wouldn’t have been much different had I been turning away a half decomposed dead lizard with a stick.

With all due respects to all the vegetarians out there, but there are more fingers in my right hand than the number of vegetables I find palatable. And the present scenario was no exception.

I had barely made my point regarding my dislike towards the sample of food when Mom declared – “Just wait till she comes…”.

Hearing that sentence has always made me wince. And it made me wince again. For those of my new readers who still haven’t understood what that sentence means, well, it is actually a warning used on me with reference to my better half who is still missing from the scheme of things in my life.

Now, there are a lot of things that people dislike. Each one of us has a lot of personal preferences regarding small things of everyday life. And sometimes people expect us to change our habits or preferences according to their liking.

But coming to the logic (or the lack of it) in the ‘threat’ that I’m often subjected to, why in the world would I want to marry someone whose sole purpose in life seems to be to make me do all the things I dislike.

Be it my finicky food habits, my preferences in clothes, my love for sleep, the (dis)arrangement of stuff in my room, my dislike towards shopping or even my resentment towards tea, I’m repeatedly warned to mend my ways before ‘she’ arrives.

In other words I’m always in the process of being groomed to make me suitable enough for marriage.

And then they expect me to show some interest in getting married ! Really…

I mean you can’t just scare a kid by telling him ghost-stories about a dark room and then push him to go and sleep in that very room. Doesn’t work.

What I really don’t get is that why would anyone want to be with someone for life who wants to change their likes and dislikes to their own liking. The other day I was reading Red Handed’s post on how girls in India are continuously under a grooming process for their life in the husband’s home after marriage. As if a girl should have no personal identity of her own and shouldn’t have any personal preferences in how she wants to lead her life.

But it is not too different for unmarried males as well who are under the continuous pressure to act, dress, eat, sleep (and shop) in certain ways that would attract a prospective bride.

And then they are continuously warned that marriage is actually the turning point in their lives after which all the ‘faults’ in their personality will be checked and corrected by none other than their future wife.

Why would I ever want to change anything about my life partner ? She may have her own preferences in food, clothing and lifestyle in general. Sounds silly to change the qualities and hence the identity of the very person you like. The same logic applies the other way round.

But still, I’m continuously subjected to those threatening words – “Wait till she comes…” !

If only they knew that she is not bothered about changing any of those things about me… :-)