Rants of a Retard...

“What ?? You still haven’t watched it ?”

“No ! Just been busy with things… ”

“Oh come on. I thought you loved comedies. This one is a masterpiece. You cannot miss it.”

“Umm… Yeah… Hmm…” I replied.

The above was just a part of the small pleasantries I exchanged with a family-friend over our dinner plates at a party recently. This family-friend, who is just about my age, was trying his best to pull me into the conversation and get me to talk. But since I’m the perpetual listener and also, when there’s food at hand, my mouth turns into a one-way passage, he was having a real tough time getting me to speak. So, in what seemed like an act of desperation, he brought up the topic of a movie.

Those who know me properly, know rather well that I don’t watch any new Hindi movies. And certainly not in a movie-theatre. A few of my mates at college learnt this the hard way when they planned the celebration of one of our friend’s birthday which included a movie followed by a grand dinner. The only snag in all the planning was that I wasn’t informed about the movie bit. Well, they managed to sell off my ticket outside the theatre premises in the end. But not before having a harrowing time trying to coax/plead me into entering the theatre.

Coming back to the earlier discussion, this family-friend was going over the top about a new movie which had something to do with people acquiring intestinal infection in the city of Delhi. Something about which I have been ridiculed by people more than a few times about liking comedies but having still not seen this one.

Over the past month or so, I had read, heard and been updated (on Facebook) a bit too much about this particular movie. Almost half of my friends on Facebook had used words like ‘awesome’, ‘loved it’, ‘coolest movie ever’, ‘laughed till I cried’, ‘mind-blowing’, and other words to that effect to describe what they saw. Obviously, I was intrigued. So while talking to one of my friends who is a movie freak, I asked him. To which he curtly replied.

“Yes. I watched it. And NO !!! It’s not for you !”

Knowing how well my friends know me, I didn’t need a second opinion about whether to watch the movie, even if people labeled it as the best comedy ever, or not. But as I hopped onto one review after another on the several blogs I regularly read, I realized how I missed those statutory warning many of my friends had included in their rave reviews on Facebook, some of which clearly mentioned not to take kids along to watch the movie.

Now, what comedy would it be which wouldn’t amuse kids ? I never knew there would be things funny enough only to make adults laugh. So when I make myself remember that I’m well past the legal age of adulthood, I’m still very stymied when I try to think of things that would be considered humorous only for grown ups.

Which ultimately forces me to accept the fact that I’m a retard as far as the sense of humor is concerned.


After going through the countless reviews about the movie, I came to know that this is another of the many works of Aamir Khan. (Please correct me if I’m wrong) And so, it had to be a masterpiece. People say that, as always, he has managed to come up with something different. But they also say that the movie portrays the reality of today’s life.

Ummm… So how is reality different ??? (My retarded mind trying harder to make some sense.)

As per the reviews I’ve read, the movie is about three bachelors living their life out in the city of Delhi. And the movie doesn’t hold back in portraying any of the waste material which is either in their mind which exits through their mouths or the waste matter in their bodies which exits as well.

I try to find humor in such scenarios. But my retarded mind refuses to budge. Ohhh… when will I grow up enough to be able to laugh my head off when I see people abusing each other ?? Or at the sight of events that take place inside a loo ?? Surely the plot must be full of hilarious situations consisting of some un-mentionable acts. But as they put it… it is aimed at matured audiences. Not for retards like me.

So I’ve decided to give this amazing movie a skip. (something which would have happened otherwise too if it wouldn’t have been for such delirious reviews) Even though it’s one of Aamir Khan’s works (who has given us oldies like Dil Hai Ki Manta Nahin, Hum Hain Raahi Pyar Ke and the one and only Andaz Apna Apna) I’m not keen to give it even a passing look.


No. I’m not one of those intolerants who take up arms and run off to tear down posters and burn effigies. I agree that everyone has their own tastes for humor. Just that I have still to grow up a lot to start recognizing such a taste. Because watching the actions which go on below people’s pelvises, whether in the bathroom or the bedroom, doesn’t tickle my humerus one bit. Sad, but true !!!

But, this poor soul who is a big time retard as far as the sense of humor is concerned, humbly pleads to all to spare him the ridicule of not being able to applaud supposedly the greatest comedy movies ever made.

PS : The following is a compilation of some of the movies which always have me in splits. And the last clip is my preferred version of the plot about three young bachelors sharing a room in the city of Delhi.

(Images courtesy : Google Images)

A Special Award...

Ok ! So it’s time for me to collect another award. :D This time, Sunil & Preethika, a wonderful blogging couple, have generously shared the Versatile Blogger Award with me.


Thank you both for the encouragement ! :-)

It is rather a tag-award with the following set of rules.

1. Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
2. Share 7 things about you.
3. Spread the love and honor.
4. Award and contact 7 recently discovered bloggers.

Though I had already done a similar post about ‘Seven random facts about myself’ earlier, I was wondering about what to write this time. But suddenly I remembered a short note which my school friend Kaddu wrote and posted on Facebook on my last Birthday. Kaddu was the one who actually pushed me into the blogging world. So, here I’m sharing that nice little note which she wrote.

7 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Shobhit

1. On phone, he laughs more than he talks.

2. He has not yet been able to figure out why people drink tea... and enjoy it too!

3. If a damsel and a dog were in distress in front of him, he would probably save the dog first!

4. He doesn't like attending formal parties or marriages, but then he thinks of all the food...and goes anyway! :D

5. Mornings and Shobhit are NOT synonymous with each other!

6. He stills uses Yahoo Messenger (like me!) :D

7. He's a fan of Tintin, Asterix and Archies!

Since I had already mentioned the point #2 above in my earlier post, I’d rather substitute it with :

I just cannot make up my mind in selecting gifts or greeting cards.

Now that I’m done with the difficult and rather boring task of writing about myself, it’s time to share the award with some of my fellow bloggers whom I discovered recently.

Alka (Freebird)
Avada Kedavra (Stung by the splendor of a crazy thought)
Pencilgirl (Conquering the world)
Priyanka (Confessions of the Chocolate Obsessed)
Rashmi (Unknown eccentricities)
Sadiya (Ye life hai….take it lightly!)
Soumya (LOL : Life of Leo)

I doubt if all the above mentioned bloggers do enjoy doing tags. But even if you don’t, please accept the Versatile Blogger Award which all of you rightfully deserve. :-)

The Hazards of Growing Up...

“God……. When will he grow up ??” exclaimed Mom, rolling her eyes heavenwards, as if having a one-to-one with the Almighty.

And without waiting for the Almighty to explain things, she looked back at me as I ended up sprawled on the floor, clutching my hurting tummy and laughing my wits off for the nth time in the last half hour, watching the ‘Tom & Jerry’ show on the telly.

Seeming to have given up on any hope she had for her elder son showing any signs of sanity, she walked off to the confines of her room, mumbling something to the effect of using the ‘parental control’ on our television set.


Ok. ‘Tom & Jerry’ has been one of my weak points, if not the weakest. But what’s it got to do with my growing up ?

Ohhh… Am I supposed to be a grown up ? Maybe…

But do I care ?? Not in this world !

Which makes me ponder… what is this thing about growing up ? When exactly does a person grow up ? Is it really the stage when one can reach up and quietly sneak away the cookies from the top of the shelf ??

I have seen lots of people (rather, kids) itching to ‘grow up’. Maybe so that they can do things which they cannot and should not do as long as they are kids. And I’ve seen people ‘growing up’ overnight on their eighteenth birthday. Maybe there’s a lot more fun on the other side of that landmark in one’s life. But I’ve seen more serious people than joyous ones towards the heavier side of eighteen.

Looking at most of the ‘grown ups’ around me, I always get the feeling that I’m in unknown territory. For a small example, mine was the only room in the entire campus during the days of Medical College, where one would always find a handful of comics on the table. Though they were not officially prescribed by the Indian Medical education, yet I wouldn’t be able to end my day without going through at least one comic.


I could sense some of my mates feeling tempted to ask me to borrow some of those at times. In fact, some actually did too. But most of the times, people showed more amusement of seeing those in my room rather than giving in to the urge of reading one.

At home I still maintain a vast collection of children’s books and comics into which I dive every other day and relieve myself whenever I’m in need to be refreshed.


But then, has age something to do with growing up ? People can drive, vote, consume liquor, marry and do quite a few other things once they cross a certain age. Legally, that is. Because I’ve also seen under aged individuals getting involved in things which they cannot legally be involved in at their age.

One can legally drive. And one can legally consume liquor after a certain age. But would a person who gets himself drunk and then drives around (and over unsuspecting people), really be called a grown up ?

Not including child marriages (which are still illegally practiced around India), so many ‘grown ups’ who can and do legally marry, don’t have a clue about what they are getting themselves into. And dare I mention about how most ‘grown ups’ use their right to vote ??

So what do grown ups do ? What are they supposed to do ? How are they supposed to behave ? And what do they do when they have some free time on their hands ??

And when I put myself through these trying questions, I can only come up with what grown ups don’t do, are not supposed to do and how they are not supposed to behave.

Because there aren’t many (or any) grown ups that I’ve seen who…

* Run out with a football while it rains instead of sitting in the shade and sipping tea.
* Or who play 'Caesar IV' on their computer overnight during holidays instead of muttering sweet nothings with a girl/boy friend on the phone.
* Or who share a toddler’s big balloon to play with instead of shouting at the kid to sit down and behave.
* Or who run around the house with their Mom chasing them with a glass of milk instead of sitting down at the dining table for a proper breakfast.
* Or who quietly sneak inside the refrigerator for some ‘Cadburys GEMS’ at 2 AM instead of snoring away in bed.
* Or who opt for a nice serving of Choco ice cream at a party instead of even giving a look to the liquor-bar.
* Or who are more interested in the latest Spanish-League scores instead of the values of the stock market in the daily news.

Even at my age I’m not considered a grown up and looking at some of my exploits as above, I don’t see me ‘growing up’ in the near future.

But I ask again, does being a grown up anything to do with one’s appearance, one’s age, one’s actions or does it depend upon one’s sensibilities ?

And, is it necessary to leave the child in one’s own self behind, as one continues to overtake new landmarks of age in life ? If that is necessary in order to grow up,……. What’s the big deal in growing up ???


Are you a grown up ???


(Picture credits : Google Images)

Matrimon(e)y Shopping...

Just the other night I was in the midst of my ‘happy hour’ of the day. Diving into my dinner plate while surfacing in between to check the ‘Newshour’ on ‘Times Now’. And so, it wouldn’t be wrong to say that I felt immensely disturbed as I heard the sound of my phone ringing. Irritated, I fumbled with the phone and pressed the green key.

“Hullo ?!?”

“Hi. What’s up ?” It was my rather eccentric friend on the other end.

“Ohh. How are you ?”

“Fine. You say.”

“Fine too. What’s news ?”

“No news. Just called.”

My sense suddenly shifted gears and went on to the sixth. This guy wouldn’t ever call at such an hour to ‘just call’.

“OK. Come on. Out with it !!!” I exclaimed.

“Well…….”

“Who ? How ?? When ??? Don’t tell me you are getting married !”

“Well…….”

So it had finally happened. The most awaited wicket had finally fallen. With almost all my other batch mates having bitten the dust, we all were keenly waiting for this piece of news. Betting each other if this was really possible in this very world. This weird fellow, taking the path to matrimony was one of the most laughed about imaginations amongst our batch. And now it was going to be true.

“You see…” he began. “It was rather a lucky thing. Though I didn’t want a doctor girl, and she’s a Pathologist, but it’s fine since she’s not a clinician. And secondly, she’s from my own city. And most importantly, her dad is a Pediatrician and her mom is a Gynaecologist. So I have all the main departments in my upcoming hospital taken care of !”

And then he grinned. Though I didn’t see him grin, I knew him well enough to know that he was grinning right then. As if I could hear him grinning.

“I’ve also found a girl for you.” He continued.

“Ok. Keep her safe. I’ll collect her when I come there next time.” I replied.

“No. Seriously. What type of a girl do you want ? A medico ? Or a non-medico ??” He was persistent.

“Neither a medico, nor a non-medico !!!” I was beginning to lose it by this time.

“Ohhh. So you’d want an engineer… ?” It suddenly seemed to beam to him. And that was when I burst out laughing. And I was soon into fits of laughter as he further tried to describe how a non-medico was the term used for a housewife and things to that effect.

Putting that incident aside, I really wonder how we, in India, literally shop for a spouse. I mean, just talk to any budding groom or his family. They are absolutely clear about what they are looking for in a bride. Apart from the age old caste/fair/tall/English-speaking/etc. people are not only concerned about the girl being working or not but also very specific about the job she does. Some prefer a girl with a job while others opt for a homely housewife. They look for all the required specifications to be met just as they would buy a consumer product.


In other words, a working girl would mean an extra source of income into the household. It is even better if her job is complementary to that of her husband’s. So that they can easily setup a combined establishment.

On the other hand, a homely housewife would be expected to take care of the home and kids. And actually, without even being paid for it. The guy doesn’t really need a soul mate. He simply needs a working hand at home without any additional cost.

In fact, I have been witness to a case where the match couldn’t work out because the groom’s family had a problem with the prospective bride’s work hours. She was supposed to be at work during hours when they needed her to be at home.

In my own field of doctors (including many of my batch mates) I’ve seen a surgeon wanting a gynaec. wife. A pathologist wanting a pathologist. And so on. And some of my friends have tried to reason with me by telling me that one has to be practical. So one needs to know what’s best for oneself.

So, just as one has all the specifications for a much needed product in mind, before he goes out to shop for it, similarly it’s the case with arranged marriages in India. People have a clear list of requirements at hand before they go out to shop for a bride or a groom. In fact, marriage is just another necessity to fulfill life’s requirements as one spends his or her life. And such people usually follow the principle of ‘love what you get rather than get what you love’.

How can someone marry just to fulfill some needs in life which are invariably related to money ? And thus chooses a life partner who’d be a help in the fulfillment of those monetary gains ?? It boggles my mind !

So, it’s no wonder when some of my aunts, who are distant relatives of some of my other aunts, are busy spreading the word around to look out for ‘doctor brides’ for me.

If only they all knew… I HATE SHOPPING !!!

Sigh…

(Image courtesy : Google Images)