Case Study #1 :
A small and happy Indian family. A husband, his wife and their son. The parents ensure the best possible upbringing of their son. The son completes his studies, doing exceedingly well all through. He gets a job overseas and hence migrates abroad. He works hard and well enough to get much more than a decent salary. He uses his finances to get his parents a beautiful villa back in India with all the luxuries possible, including servants, drivers, etc. He sends them a big cheque every month and calls them once a week.
A few years later when his father suggests him to return, he explains that his job abroad is a must for them to have a good life. And also that he wouldn’t be able to adjust in India again. But he ensures that his parents are well cared for.
Case Study #2 :
A similar small and happy Indian family. A husband, his wife and their son. The parents ensure the best possible upbringing of their son. The son completes his studies, doing exceedingly well all through. He gets a decent job in their town itself and so the family lives happily together.
A few months into the job, the son falls in love with a girl colleague. But their families have completely different backgrounds. The girl’s family is strictly against their marriage. The guy, hence, gives up his love and decides to marry a girl of his family’s choice for the sake of his parents’ wish to have a daughter-in-law.
The above two scenarios, though completely different, are a common occurrence in the Indian society. Most often than not, you will find young boys and girls taking steps to ensure proper care and well being of their parents, while also ensuring priority to their parents’ wishes. Something which is really heart-warming to find all around us.
But a deeper understanding of such actions provides evidence to a much heavier basis to the above attitudes.
In the first scenario above, the son was more concerned about his parents being well cared for, while in the second scenario, the son put his parents’ wishes on priority. And if you ask anyone, neither of them would be doing any wrong on their parts. In fact, both are being the good sons anyone could ask for.
But in most cases, (surely not all) the reason behind such a caring attitude of children towards their parents is because they seem to realize the great debt they owe to their parents. As per my experiences, people tend to care for their parents in order to repay that debt. You will most often hear someone say. “My parents have done so much for me. So I can’t be selfish. I have to care for them too.”
A small and happy Indian family. A husband, his wife and their son. The parents ensure the best possible upbringing of their son. The son completes his studies, doing exceedingly well all through. He gets a job overseas and hence migrates abroad. He works hard and well enough to get much more than a decent salary. He uses his finances to get his parents a beautiful villa back in India with all the luxuries possible, including servants, drivers, etc. He sends them a big cheque every month and calls them once a week.
A few years later when his father suggests him to return, he explains that his job abroad is a must for them to have a good life. And also that he wouldn’t be able to adjust in India again. But he ensures that his parents are well cared for.
Case Study #2 :
A similar small and happy Indian family. A husband, his wife and their son. The parents ensure the best possible upbringing of their son. The son completes his studies, doing exceedingly well all through. He gets a decent job in their town itself and so the family lives happily together.
A few months into the job, the son falls in love with a girl colleague. But their families have completely different backgrounds. The girl’s family is strictly against their marriage. The guy, hence, gives up his love and decides to marry a girl of his family’s choice for the sake of his parents’ wish to have a daughter-in-law.
The above two scenarios, though completely different, are a common occurrence in the Indian society. Most often than not, you will find young boys and girls taking steps to ensure proper care and well being of their parents, while also ensuring priority to their parents’ wishes. Something which is really heart-warming to find all around us.
But a deeper understanding of such actions provides evidence to a much heavier basis to the above attitudes.
In the first scenario above, the son was more concerned about his parents being well cared for, while in the second scenario, the son put his parents’ wishes on priority. And if you ask anyone, neither of them would be doing any wrong on their parts. In fact, both are being the good sons anyone could ask for.
But in most cases, (surely not all) the reason behind such a caring attitude of children towards their parents is because they seem to realize the great debt they owe to their parents. As per my experiences, people tend to care for their parents in order to repay that debt. You will most often hear someone say. “My parents have done so much for me. So I can’t be selfish. I have to care for them too.”
What I don’t understand here is that do parents care for their little kids so that they can pile on that debt on them which could be retrieved later in life ???
Obviously NO ! Parents do whatever they do for their kids because they love their kids more than anything. So where does this debt thing comes in between… ???
Suppose a guy has to borrow some money from a money-lender in some unfavorable times. He can always repay that debt once he has enough money of his own. But how can one even expect to repay the debt of one’s parents by any of his or her actions ??? In fact, considering the unconditional love of one’s parents to be as a debt is, in a way, reducing it to something cheap and materialistic.
And if one is adamant enough to consider it all as a debt, then, it is absolutely certain that such a debt can never be repaid by any action. Even if one lives for a million years earning a zillion bucks per hour !!!
And if one is adamant enough to consider it all as a debt, then, he will surely take this forward in the next generation onto his kids. Which usually happens later in life. People who believe in this ‘debt’ business towards their parents are the ones who deal for their children’s happiness later in return.
Why can’t people love their parents instead of trying to repay some debt all their lives. Our parents will never ask us for sacrifices in return for any ‘debt’. In fact, they won’t even ask for care or affection. It is actually onto the children to have real feelings for their parents which comes from within. Not due to any obligations.
If a person marries someone of her or his choice, that does not automatically mean that the person will stop loving, caring and respecting one's parents.
On the other hand, there are parents who demand a sacrifice from their child in the form of breaking off with the love-interest and marrying someone of their choice. Such parents are those who have carried the 'debt psychology' towards their own parents and hence expect the same from their own children.
Obviously NO ! Parents do whatever they do for their kids because they love their kids more than anything. So where does this debt thing comes in between… ???
Suppose a guy has to borrow some money from a money-lender in some unfavorable times. He can always repay that debt once he has enough money of his own. But how can one even expect to repay the debt of one’s parents by any of his or her actions ??? In fact, considering the unconditional love of one’s parents to be as a debt is, in a way, reducing it to something cheap and materialistic.
And if one is adamant enough to consider it all as a debt, then, it is absolutely certain that such a debt can never be repaid by any action. Even if one lives for a million years earning a zillion bucks per hour !!!
And if one is adamant enough to consider it all as a debt, then, he will surely take this forward in the next generation onto his kids. Which usually happens later in life. People who believe in this ‘debt’ business towards their parents are the ones who deal for their children’s happiness later in return.
Why can’t people love their parents instead of trying to repay some debt all their lives. Our parents will never ask us for sacrifices in return for any ‘debt’. In fact, they won’t even ask for care or affection. It is actually onto the children to have real feelings for their parents which comes from within. Not due to any obligations.
If a person marries someone of her or his choice, that does not automatically mean that the person will stop loving, caring and respecting one's parents.
On the other hand, there are parents who demand a sacrifice from their child in the form of breaking off with the love-interest and marrying someone of their choice. Such parents are those who have carried the 'debt psychology' towards their own parents and hence expect the same from their own children.
The real happiness our parents have is through seeing us happily leading a good life and by us being with them. No amount of money or sacrifices would give any happiness to our parents if they see us unhappy or don’t see us at all.
I hope people would understand that they should care for their parents out of their love for them. Not because of trying to repay any debt.
We care for our parents because we love them. Not because we have to...
