Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Unacceptable Love...

Almost all of us, at some point of time or the other, have been witness to couples (lovers) being separated instead of letting them marry and live peacefully ever after.

Reasons ? Differences in caste or religion or nationality or even financial status.

But whatever the reason may be, we see it happening day in and day out. And eventually, the helpless lovers give in and marry as and where they are demanded to.

It was only the other day when I came to realize the real reason of such incidents happening with an amazing frequency in India. I was talking to a close friend, discussing about his plans for his marriage.

As usual, his is an inter-caste case. So, obviously, not much help with starting things (if you are in India !). The girl’s family is not too pleased about it all. In fact, there has been an un-official refusal made already. So, while discussing about the available options, he informed me about the case of the girl’s elder sister, who had already experienced a forcefully broken relationship.

“Inter-caste too ??” I asked him.

“No.” He replied.

“Inter-religion ??” I asked again.

“No.” He replied again. “Same caste and religion.”

“What do you mean ?? Was the guy a criminal or something ??” I asked back.

“No. He was a well settled doctor.” He replied back.

And thus, it dawned on me that the reason for the family’s disapproval of the match was that the girl knew the boy before marriage. And that couldn’t be allowed.


Yes ! That is exactly the reason why us Indians are never comfortable with love marriages. We make all sorts of excuses. We so confidently claim that arranged marriages are always more successful than love marriages. That a person can never adjust to the lifestyle of a family of a different community. That there is nothing called love that’ll last a lifetime. And a pile of such age-old arguments.

But the bitter reality is that whatever excuses we make, it is actually the idea of love that we cannot accept. We just cannot see two people who are happy being with each other. Instead of being content with our own happiness, we are troubled to see others happy. Even if the others are our own children.

Take for example, the recent cases in Haryana. A whole village made life hell for a couple who fell in love and wanted to marry each other. Reason ?? They belonged to the same ‘gotra’(whatever that is supposed to be)

So that means, they won’t take people marrying out of their community. And neither would they allow people marrying in their own community. But don’t you get it ?? Actually, they wouldn’t tolerate a love marriage.

But why this intolerance ?? Is it merely an intolerance or is it in fact, a sort of payback ??

People who fall in love, but give in to the demands of their parents, family or community, wouldn’t often tolerate their next generation trying something similar. If they couldn’t have their way, how can the kids have theirs… ?? What they went through in their times, has to be paid back.

For instance, in the above case, the parents didn’t want their daughter to marry someone she already knew. But they wanted to marry her off to some unknown guy who, only God knew, would turn out to be what. They would rather take the risk of marrying their daughter to a possible wife-beater instead of letting her marry a decent guy she already knew. It would just be the girl’s luck if the guy turns out to be nice. If not…

In other words, if the mom found things out the hard way, why shouldn’t her daughter too ?? Is that the question they are trying to ask ??

And such a thing is not just limited to the un-educated population. Education has nothing to do with the mindset of the individual these days. I know well about a very senior doctor who is the head of his department in a reputed medical institute, who is making life hell for one of his residents just for the reason that this resident married a girl he loved out of his community. (the biggest irony is that this senior doc married his wife in just the same manner when he was a resident himself !)

We call ourselves the largest democracy in the world and take pride in it too. But do we let it out to the world about the type of sadists that we are ?? That we don’t even spare the happiness of our own kids… We don’t have the guts to love and then face the world. But we revel in targeting anyone who dares to.

Why can’t we just mind our own businesses ?? Why can’t we feel happy if our children are happy ?? Why can’t we just simply accept love ???


  1. True to its every word...we as a society are hypocrites of the highest order. All we do is twist and turn every possible thing we could just to serve our sick moralistic values, which in turn varies from each one of us.

  2. Rashmi :

    Exactly. Isn't it strange that almost 90% (or maybe 95%) of our movies are based on love ? The biggest hits have been love stories. But, when it comes to real life, we just can't tolerate anyone being in love.

    Truly, hypocrites of the highest order. That's what we really are.

  3. I know...its ridiculous. Just because the guy/girl is someone "not chosen" by the parents themselves...they won't understand!
    Thankfully, "my world" is comprised of people who are willing to understand their children and happily accept their love.

  4. Shalini :

    Same here. :) I must say we are really lucky to have "our worlds" as such.

    Really... How can someone else choose one's love... ?? Love can't be decided (as I wrote in an earlier post 'Decision or Emotion') !

  5. Agree with you.. "Education has nothing to do with the mindset of the individual these days." -> this is sooooo true. I dont know when our society is gonna become more broad-minded. Hopefully our next generation will see a better future, since we will be the elders then and we are little bit more broad minded, compared to our previous generations.
    Btw same gothra is not allowed because if two people belong to same gothra, they are like brother and sister :)
    Sorry for missing your posts earlier :(

  6. Hey shobhit, I know you wont have lot of free time. But if you find some free time, can you write a guest post for my blog :) My email address is evanescentthoughts@yahoo.com

  7. evanescentthoughts :

    Thanks for sparing time to read my posts. I know you've been so busy with the two most important people of your life... :)

    I just hope our generation turns out to be a bit more broad-minded when it grows up as you said.

    Talking of 'gothra', aren't everybody each other's brother and sister then... just that it would go a bit more into history... maybe to the time man evolved... :D

    Being related a few generations back shouldn't create much of a problem. Though I'll need to check up with the theories of genetics for that. :)

    I'll write to you about the guest post you mentioned. :)

  8. And sometimes if its not the parents then relatives do the harm...
    I have seen relationships coming to an end 'cos of different castes and religions... lower castes upper castes etc.
    In some cases the couple decides to fight them all... and some times either of them takes a back seat...which is worst then getting ditched by your parents.

  9. Garima :

    Exactly... I've seen from very closely, two such relationships break up. Though there were difficulties of caste, one person from each of those two couples took a back seat...

    I guess that wasn't really love. They were just relationships. A difference which I made out in one of my earlier posts 'Decision or Emotion'...

  10. ^^^Yeah I remember that one...it was the outcome of watching Love Aaj Kal :)

    And this situation hurts terribly when one consider it to be love and fights with the world for that and other decided to step back. I think couples should decide in these things in the first phase of their relationship...if they dont have the guts to fight with their parents or society they should not get into it...
    I also know that its not possible...

  11. Garima :

    Yes. Maybe deciding at such an early stage isn't easy, if not impossible. Because they usually never know when that phase has passed.

    But fighting the world is possible. Wonder why and what people fear of if they really love someone...

  12. I really can't think about a life if my parents never agreed to me.. coz I am already married to the person I wanted to...
    but it is sad... I have a friend who had opposition from both the families... Somehow they cud not try to make their parents agree... Both of them spoke and decided they will break up.. Now both are suffering to see their parents happy... It is really sad... :(

  13. Preethika Shenoy Padiyar :

    I wonder if the those parents are really happy. Which parent would be happy to see their child suffer ? And that too, just for some stupid reason, or rather ego, or even more preposterously, for honor ??

    As per my experience, such parents are not even the least concerned for their children once the marriage is done and over with. At least they have maintained their (imaginary/stupid/worthless) honor intact amidst relatives and society... :-/



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...