Rants of a Retard...

“What ?? You still haven’t watched it ?”

“No ! Just been busy with things… ”

“Oh come on. I thought you loved comedies. This one is a masterpiece. You cannot miss it.”

“Umm… Yeah… Hmm…” I replied.

The above was just a part of the small pleasantries I exchanged with a family-friend over our dinner plates at a party recently. This family-friend, who is just about my age, was trying his best to pull me into the conversation and get me to talk. But since I’m the perpetual listener and also, when there’s food at hand, my mouth turns into a one-way passage, he was having a real tough time getting me to speak. So, in what seemed like an act of desperation, he brought up the topic of a movie.

Those who know me properly, know rather well that I don’t watch any new Hindi movies. And certainly not in a movie-theatre. A few of my mates at college learnt this the hard way when they planned the celebration of one of our friend’s birthday which included a movie followed by a grand dinner. The only snag in all the planning was that I wasn’t informed about the movie bit. Well, they managed to sell off my ticket outside the theatre premises in the end. But not before having a harrowing time trying to coax/plead me into entering the theatre.

Coming back to the earlier discussion, this family-friend was going over the top about a new movie which had something to do with people acquiring intestinal infection in the city of Delhi. Something about which I have been ridiculed by people more than a few times about liking comedies but having still not seen this one.

Over the past month or so, I had read, heard and been updated (on Facebook) a bit too much about this particular movie. Almost half of my friends on Facebook had used words like ‘awesome’, ‘loved it’, ‘coolest movie ever’, ‘laughed till I cried’, ‘mind-blowing’, and other words to that effect to describe what they saw. Obviously, I was intrigued. So while talking to one of my friends who is a movie freak, I asked him. To which he curtly replied.

“Yes. I watched it. And NO !!! It’s not for you !”

Knowing how well my friends know me, I didn’t need a second opinion about whether to watch the movie, even if people labeled it as the best comedy ever, or not. But as I hopped onto one review after another on the several blogs I regularly read, I realized how I missed those statutory warning many of my friends had included in their rave reviews on Facebook, some of which clearly mentioned not to take kids along to watch the movie.

Now, what comedy would it be which wouldn’t amuse kids ? I never knew there would be things funny enough only to make adults laugh. So when I make myself remember that I’m well past the legal age of adulthood, I’m still very stymied when I try to think of things that would be considered humorous only for grown ups.

Which ultimately forces me to accept the fact that I’m a retard as far as the sense of humor is concerned.


After going through the countless reviews about the movie, I came to know that this is another of the many works of Aamir Khan. (Please correct me if I’m wrong) And so, it had to be a masterpiece. People say that, as always, he has managed to come up with something different. But they also say that the movie portrays the reality of today’s life.

Ummm… So how is reality different ??? (My retarded mind trying harder to make some sense.)

As per the reviews I’ve read, the movie is about three bachelors living their life out in the city of Delhi. And the movie doesn’t hold back in portraying any of the waste material which is either in their mind which exits through their mouths or the waste matter in their bodies which exits as well.

I try to find humor in such scenarios. But my retarded mind refuses to budge. Ohhh… when will I grow up enough to be able to laugh my head off when I see people abusing each other ?? Or at the sight of events that take place inside a loo ?? Surely the plot must be full of hilarious situations consisting of some un-mentionable acts. But as they put it… it is aimed at matured audiences. Not for retards like me.

So I’ve decided to give this amazing movie a skip. (something which would have happened otherwise too if it wouldn’t have been for such delirious reviews) Even though it’s one of Aamir Khan’s works (who has given us oldies like Dil Hai Ki Manta Nahin, Hum Hain Raahi Pyar Ke and the one and only Andaz Apna Apna) I’m not keen to give it even a passing look.


No. I’m not one of those intolerants who take up arms and run off to tear down posters and burn effigies. I agree that everyone has their own tastes for humor. Just that I have still to grow up a lot to start recognizing such a taste. Because watching the actions which go on below people’s pelvises, whether in the bathroom or the bedroom, doesn’t tickle my humerus one bit. Sad, but true !!!

But, this poor soul who is a big time retard as far as the sense of humor is concerned, humbly pleads to all to spare him the ridicule of not being able to applaud supposedly the greatest comedy movies ever made.

PS : The following is a compilation of some of the movies which always have me in splits. And the last clip is my preferred version of the plot about three young bachelors sharing a room in the city of Delhi.

(Images courtesy : Google Images)